Why the Life You Choose?

So for the 2 of you who read my blog I will answer the burning question.  The one that has been keeping you up at night.

Why oh why did I change the name of my blog?

Well.

You might assume that it is because yourgodlovesmetoo was not available on wordpress.  But you would be wrong.  I in fact have that lovely blog name on my dashboard at this very minute.

So, why?

Well, it occurred to me that my blog title had only a little bit to do with me.  I still love the sentiment.  I still believe the statement but…well it just doesn’t suit me like it used to.  And it certainly didn’t cover the myriad topics I like to discuss.

So it occured to me that we are all right now living the life we choose to live.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

None.

You don’t get to say.

“What?  She’s crazy!  I didn’t choose this shitty, hellish, horrible life”.

Especially not if you are at this moment sitting at a computer reading a blog – no sireee.  You are not the exception.

And neither am I.

So, this is the life I choose.  The one where I get up every morning at 6:30 to get two toddlers off to daycare and my ass off to work.  This is the life I spend with my love, my daughter, my son and my two dogs.

This is it.

This is all I get, all I have.

Whether this happened by chance, dumb luck or mistake.

This is it and  I chose it.

And this is where I will write about it.

Not so much a let down

As much as it was a never revved up.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas.  Always have, hopefully always will.  And it is a huge testament to my parents that I still felt the sensational magic of Christmas morning well into my 20’s

But because of this, my first two Christmases with my husband were a huge disappointment.  I woke in the morning still feeling the santa vibe and…well there was no Santa to be found.

And so this was the first year when my complete and utter focus was on the Christmas my kids would have.  I knew exactly what I was getting for my present and so there was no “surprise” element to contend with.  Somehow that was easier, better even.  Because somehow what you imagine is never quite as good as what you get.  Except when it was better.

I once got a horse for Christmas.

A horse.

How can you even come close to that?

So this year I chose my present myself, knew exactly where it sat for the week before Christmas and even wrapped it myself.  And so that I was not the only person with an empty stocking (again) this year, I bought myself some cute little items and stuffed my own stocking.  And somehow that was okay.

The whole thing was okay.  Better than okay really.

I enjoy being Santa.  And while it is not nearly as much fun as believing in Santa was, it is still fun.

And  while I am glad the holiday’s are over, I look forward to next year.  And even though I don’t get to ride on the sleigh – I did get to eat the cookies.

Ho ho ho.