Victoria

I miss my sister-in-law.

I can say it now without feeling angry or guilty.  I just miss her.

I am sad that she is not part of our lives.  And I don’t romanticize it.

Life with Vicki was tough.

She was manic depressive, bi-polar.  And her mood swings were often painful.

But she was my daughter’s aunt.

Even though they never met.

And when my daughter asked me recently where her aunt was, I answered without thinking.

“She is in a box in your grandmother’s closet”

And now she wants to see her.

And I certainly don’t want my daughter to think of her aunt as a pile of ashes stuffed inside of a closet.

But that is exactly what she is.

Suicide sucks!

Chchchchanges

My eldest starts kindergarten next year. As in – this fall!

Seems like this is going to be one of those moments where we get to make some choices about our life and how we are going to live it.  Again.

Kindergarten is only half a day.  And a full day of school ends at 3.

A full day of work ends at 5:15 for me.  now.

They offer after care for kindergarten that goes til 6pm.

Now I get to decide if I want to use it.  Or if I will shorten my work day.

It’s funny but I have not felt a big need to work shorter hours while my kids were in daycare.  But school seems to be changing that.  I want to be there when she gets off school.  I want to help with homework and hear about her day.

So maybe not this year, (or maybe this year) but soon I will need to make a change.  Our family will need to make a change.

And I don’t think that changing my hours will be a problem for my job or my boss, but they are not, nor have they ever been, my primary concern.

I am feeling fiercely mother today.

I can’t believe she’s old enough for school!!!!