I have had some realizations lately as I work through all of this foster care madness. My realizations are as follows:
1. Most people don’t like me when they first meet me.
2. I can use humor inappropriately.
3. I don’t generally have time to be as nice and thoughtful as I would like to be.
4. I can be mean. And spiteful.
A wonderful, fabulous, terrifically kind woman called me the other day to talk with me about someone who had called her and given her and earful about how miserable her life was and how much she needed help and wasn’t getting it, blah, blah. And this woman, who I have often said is “a far better person than I am”, told this woman off. In no uncertain terms and with absolutely no regrets.
Her quote, which sticks with me, was this:
“I can be as mean as I am nice. When I have to be.”
So here is the thing. I try to never be mean.
I fail. But I try. It is my purpose. My motto.
And I think that constant effort and lack of acceptance when I can’t or don’t do something, or say something nice is detrimental to my well being.
I need to embrace the mean a little bit more.
And this is not to say that I am going to turn into a witch. It just means that I am going to try harder to call a spade a spade. And realize that not every single one of my actions is glenda the good inspired.
I can in fact be quite wicked. And that’s okay.
And I know where this comes from. My role model was a woman I never heard have a mean thing to say to anyone. She would grumble behind their back but smile to their face. And this is the truest definition of martyr.
And I don’t want that for me.
Or for my kids.
So again, I am going to embrace the mean.
As I tell them — it’s okay to fight back.
And it is. And I am going to do it without regret and guilt.
I am going to accept that not everyone is going to like me.
And that’s okay.
Because if I can be true to myself, a few people might love me for it.
And that is so worth it.