The darkness

My husband and I have been grieving these last few months.

Grief and anger and despair.

A cocktail of unhappiness that we have been sipping for a while now.

Because things weren’t looking good.

I was calculating which toys would go with the little ones when they left.

I was thinking which of their clothes would go because of the changing season and which would just be boxed up for Goodwill.

I spent minutes of every day convincing myself that two children would be better, easier, less stressful and well…easier.

And it was working.  A little.  Enough at least that I was becoming convinced that I was becoming convinced.
Turns out it it was all a lie.  (No surprise there.  Not really.)

I was not actually buying my own bullshit.

 

And I know this because in the past two days there has been a little light in the darkness.  It is shining weakly but it is there.

And I had no idea how much I needed that light.  Wanted that light.

 

Here’s hoping it gets brighter.

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2 thoughts on “The darkness

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