coloring inside the lines

I stop at stop signs.

Full stop.

My father always tells me that this will get me rear-ended one day.

But? By nature I am a rule follower.

It makes me very uncomfortable to bend or (gasp) break the rules.

Some rules.

“The Big Brother” rules.

Like moving up sections at a concert or sporting event.

No no.

I would rather sit in the nose bleeds than worry about being caught.

“Being caught” is a bad bad thing for me.

Which is interesting in that I am a fairly strong-minded individual.

But I also don’t live in the gray* area.

It’s all black and white (ish) to me.

I can’t function in the grey*.

And people who break the rules make me agro.

Line cutters.  They have a special place in hell.

People who get back in line to get seconds when not everyone has their firsts.

People who go into the turn lane just to cut back into traffic to cut ahead.

As my son calls them “budgers”.

No budging.

My inability to break the rules has always bothered me.

I am uptight.

And prudish.

And judgemental.

I have a strong sense of FAIR.

And I don’t like people to not like me.


Even people I don’t particularly respect.

But I am getting better about this last one.

And I am learning to be intentionally manipulative.

I am learning to play the game.

To live in the gray.

Foster care has taught me this.

Because in foster care?  Many of the rules are wrong.

There I said it.

And so I am learning to understand the protocols, the rules and why they exist.

And I am finding the work arounds and I am doing my best to work around them.

Yay me.  I guess…

Everything I do is in the best interest of the children in my care.

Their parents know much more how best to use the system to their advantage.  Clearly.

But I am learning…

–a good lesson?  Not sure.

It’s kind of grey area….



(*I have no idea which is the right way to spell grey so I will use)


One thought on “coloring inside the lines

  1. And this is why we love each other. There will be no budging or breaking for as long as we both shall live.

    I go with grey. I feel it makes me look more worldly and culturalish.

    I also write the date like this:
    16 September 2011

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