I was raised Christian.
My parents are black and from the south. So…Christian. Baptist and Methodist to be exact.
And I love Gospel music, and community. That’s Black Christian church to me.
But I never really liked God.
hmmmm. My father is right now waiting for the lightning to strike. But it’s still true.
And here’s the strange thing. I love religion. In it’s purest form almost all religions are the same. Love yourself, love each other, act as though someone is watching.
Mostly good stuff. Mostly love your neighbor stuff. But unfortunately, we are people. And we can always ruin a good thing (take the earth for example). And so I cannot, do not, will not, take part in organized religion.
And so I am not religious. I am equal opportunity in my anti-religion beliefs. I studied religion.
I talked to Mormons. I talked to Witnesses. I read the bible cover to cover. I read the books of Mormon. I read (most of) the Koran. I looked at ancient religion. I looked at anti-religion. I looked. I searched. I tried so hard to make a choice.
And then I did.
I chose not to decide. (see my header)
And so I am agnostic. And I am jealous of those who have faith. Because unquestioned faith is simple. And explaining life and it’s mysterious ways is easier when you BELIEVE that it is a higher power at work.
Don’t get me wrong, I know people struggle from time to time with their faith, but some don’t. And that’s what I mean when I say easy.
I have to deal with a whole lot more answers that begin and end with “I don’t know.” Because I don’t. I don’t know.
But I was raised a Christian. And I was in the habit of prayer.
You know, like when the plane is coming in for a landing and you’re scared shitless:
“Dear God if you let me get home safely I promise I will never eat chocolate again”
or some such other trifle.
And I had occassion to examine this habit of mine lately and I still have moments when I want to put a wish or will or whatever into the universe and so I begin my statements with “Dear Friend”.
“Dear Friend, please let me get through this day without killing someone.”
“Dear Friend, thank you for letting that test be negative.”
Stuff like that.
And I like this way of doing it so much better that I actually wonder if I might believe in God.
As a, you know, friend.
It just seems so much nicer to me. And it’s purely platonic. No commitment necessary.