Dear Friend (aka how I deal with prayer)…

I was raised Christian.

My parents are black and from the south.  So…Christian.  Baptist and Methodist to be exact.

And I love Gospel music,  and community.  That’s Black Christian church to me.

But I never really liked God.

hmmmm.  My father is right now waiting for the lightning to strike.   But it’s still true.

And here’s the strange thing.  I love religion.  In it’s purest form almost all religions are the same.  Love yourself, love each other, act as though someone is watching.

Mostly good stuff.  Mostly love your neighbor stuff.  But unfortunately, we are people.  And we can always ruin a good thing (take the earth for example).  And so I cannot, do not, will not, take part in organized religion.

And so I am not religious.  I am equal opportunity in my anti-religion beliefs.  I studied religion.

I talked to Mormons.  I talked to Witnesses.  I read the bible cover to cover.  I read the books of Mormon.  I read (most of) the Koran.  I looked at ancient religion.  I looked at anti-religion.  I looked.  I searched.  I tried so hard to make a choice.

And then I did.

I chose not to decide. (see my header)

And so I am agnostic.  And I am jealous of those who have faith.  Because unquestioned faith is simple.  And explaining life and it’s mysterious ways is easier when you BELIEVE that it is a higher power at work.

Don’t get me wrong, I know people struggle from time to time with their faith, but some don’t.  And that’s what I mean when I say easy.

I have to deal with a whole lot more answers that begin and end with “I don’t know.”  Because I don’t.  I don’t know.

But I was raised a Christian.  And I was in the habit of prayer.

You know, like when the plane is coming in for a landing and you’re scared shitless:

“Dear God if you let me get home safely I promise I will never eat chocolate again”

or some such other trifle.

And I had occassion to examine this habit of mine lately and I still have moments when  I want to put a wish or will or whatever into the universe and so I begin my statements with “Dear Friend”.

“Dear Friend,  please let me get through this day without killing someone.”

“Dear Friend, thank you for letting that test be negative.”

Stuff like that.

And I like this way of doing it so much better that I actually wonder if I might believe in God.

As a, you know, friend.

It just seems so much nicer to me.  And it’s purely platonic. No commitment necessary.


2 thoughts on “Dear Friend (aka how I deal with prayer)…

  1. bravo, dear girl.

    You are brave and amazing and I’m so jealous that you can just put this out there like this.

    I’m agnostic.

    I believe that Jesus walked the earth, but I think he was a bit crazy if he believed that he is the only way to God. I don’t know how the heck he got people to believe him, but they sure do. It makes some people wonderful people. It makes others total assholes.

    I believe in a thing called God. I don’t believe it is a He or a She or in the sky. What I call God is the energy that perpetuated life. The creative force behind it all.
    I don’t think it punishes or listens. I think it just keeps things moving along. Like the wind or something.

    I believe the teachings of Buddha and Mohammad as much as I believe in those of Jesus.

    I believe in you. And me. And our children. And our husbands.
    And the trees and the dirt and my cat.

  2. Raised Catholic. Experimented, visited many churches. Married and athiest. Went back to a Catholic church, baptised my babies there, and then when it was time to do first communion? We stopped. Can’t do it. Can’t reconcile with it. We’re agnostic.

    The boy knows God and Jesus. We talk about sin, and bible messages. We pray sometimes and say grace.

    But there is so much more out there.

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