For those of you who don’t know, I had an ectopic pregnancy last year that ended in a ruptured fallopian tube and an extended stay in the hospital. I wrote this to the little soul that visited with me so briefly because I needed to. I am adding it to my blog because I want to.
I know many women who have suffered loss. And I feel like sharing and talking about it makes it so much easier. This isn’t something shameful that should be whispered in private. This is why I am happy to explain to strangers that my tatoo represents my children – a flower for my son, one for my daughter, and for the child I never got to meet – a bud.
I assume you had a heartbeat Since you continued to grow In your hostile world Incorrectly placed Poorly planned unplanned But not unwanted I assume you had a soul And from the moment I found out about you we spoke In whispered words of urgency I implored you To get out Before you killed me And I am sorry we will never Be sorry for your passage And the fact that you will never know my love I am sorry that you knew only The cruelty Of my body’s expulsion And I am sorry that I never got to Enjoy you Want you Love you Hold you And I am sorry That you became just a note in my Medical record And waste to be disposed of I am so sorry to have missed you miss you I am sorry to regret the only experience I had with you regret And to show my sorrow I choose to wear you Always In the scars that mark your removal from my body And in the art that Adorns my shoulder You sit as part of my forever next to your brother and sister In my heart Forever you are Part of me my flesh my soul But not part of my life And for that I will always be sorry