Where to start…

So. Brain,Child magazine had a 6(?) page article in this edition about dealing with the culturalization of your internationally adopted child.

So I apologize for my lack of knowlegde in  this quarter.  Apparently there are orgzanizations developing in the states for the sole purpose of taking adoptive parents and their child(ren) to the “mother” country.

I wonder if this is like open adoption.  Or as close as you are going to get in this situation…

Seems to be the trend and I have never understood it.  I know that if I had had a relationship with my biological mother it would have made MY adoptive experience much more confusing.  But I didn’t have a confusing adoptive experience.  I never thought about that woman who gave birth to me.  I never wanted to meet her.

And that might mean I am an exception.  I don’t know. 

I do know that I have two good family friends who are adopted and they never felt the need to go searching either.  Again though, everyone is different, every situation is different.

And I have always thought that whether or not a child wanted to look for their biological parents had nothing to do with their connection with their adoptive parents.  Or at least I don’t think it has to mean that.

So.  This article  talked about the fact that this woman was learning vietnamese and had travelled to vietnam with her son so he would be appropriately exposed to his culture.

I can’t speak to this.  I do know that the language classes could easily be any language.  She takes great pride in the fact that her son refers to her with the vietnamese word for mom and I can tell you I do the same thing when my daughter uses her limited spanish knowledge. 

But I am not spanish, and neither is my daughter.  And again.  I can’t speak to this directly.  But the fact that my daughter is learning spanish makes me feel like I am doing a good job as her mother.  And hearing her speak the language is satisfying because it reminds me just how wonderful I am.

And I think culturalization is like that. 

Which is not meant to be a negative statement.

It’s good to feel like you are doing right by your child.

And so I try to draw parallels and I wonder again about adoption of black children in the US.  And I wonder why it just isn’t done as often as it should be.

And I wonder if, in part, it is because there is no “mother land” to travel to.  No very different heritage to provide culturalization for.  No international flavor. 

And I wonder if it’s because there are no language classes to take. 

And I wonder if the idea of an open adoption in this situation where they will need to meet (and be judged by) these women, might be a barrier.

And again I wonder about how we can get past this.

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2 thoughts on “Where to start…

  1. I always think it’s interesting — who goes in search of their biological parents and who doesn’t. Of my friends IRL who are adopted, none of them have ever been interested in searching for their biological parents.

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