So I hate the news.
And I pride myself on my ability to avoid watching it as much as possible.
But I hate ignorance more.
So I do read the news. I do subscribe to some news site feeds. (mostly BBC)
And on occassion, I watch the news on TV.
This is why I know that a disturbed soldier gunned down 5 fellow soldiers at a mental health clinic.
This is why I know that Wanda Sykes said something that pissed off the republicans.
This is why I know that apparently Rush Limbaugh would make a better president than Colin Powell.
This why I know that waterboarding is torture.
No wait, that’s simply not true. I knew that BEFORE I saw it on the news.
Nothing I learn on the news makes me smile. Sometimes I laugh at the outright lunacy (See the Rush Limbaugh link), but never with delight. Never with true, clean humor.
So I had this thought. Because I know good news does not sell, but…maybe ending the news on a good note might be okay. I have always thought that signing off with a bit of happiness might work.
So here are some suggested sign offs for the news anchors of today.
Good Night, and remember…
that during the course of this half an hour broadcast, 7500 babies were born. Welcome to the world little ones.
since the war started, more than 250 tons of mail from home was delivered to just one military base in Iraq. That’s a whole lot of that of thank yous, and stay safes. But I’ll add my own. Thank you. And stay safe.
During the course of this broadcast, more than 129 couples got married. Congratulations and good luck!
Today, approximately 77 people’s lives improved thanks to organ donation.
Since we said good evening at the beginning of this broadcast more than 28 orphaned children found adoptive parents. Congratulations to these new families!
So I make no promises about my math, but you get the idea. There could be a local tie-in too. Like.
And today, Mike Smith got his driver’s license. To Mike I say congratulations, to everyone else I say – Watch Out!
And I will end with a question that’s been bothering me today:
If two women are having sex, how do you know when you’re done?